It's Official

I am officially engaged to the love of my life.  I love my guy and I love my ring!  He is not however, the man I dreamed of. (Don't worry I have already talked to him about this.)  I want to write this post so people know good things don't always come in the  box you would have picked and that sometimes your dreams are not what you need.

When I was younger, I envisioned a tall, dark skinned, muscular man. (I actually had a dream about it once.)  I dated two of those guys, both were very sweet and good men but, they just did not work out and both for the same reason.  They were moving much faster than I wanted and I was not compromising myself for anyone.  I dated a few other guys but, none of them worked out for me. 

Along comes this kid.  (I am looking at him as  a kid because he is seven years younger than me.)  He says that he really likes me and wants to be with me.   I kind of laugh in his face and say it's some sort of infatuation and he'll get over it.  I have my 25th birthday party at The Mont in Norman and he attends.  I get drunk that night and I come onto him. He is only 18 (I know guys, he's young... I try to leave the age thing out of the story when I usually tell it but, since I am being honest on this blog, I had to put it out there.)  so he is scared and does nothing about it.  

Fast forward a couple of months and we are watching Lord of the Rings.  We are kind of talking throughout (because I didn't realize how important of a movie it was) and he proceeds to tell me a story about how he was on a ten day hike in boyscouts.  A guy in his camp snored and Lucas got so upset about this boy snoring that he hit him on the head and woke him up.  I was scared for my life to fall asleep. (I knew he wouldn't hit me but, I didn't want him to know that I snored.) I fell asleep.  We woke up the next morning to his parents calling him wondering where he was.  I think that snapped me back into reality of how young this guy really was.  It was fun hanging out with him and we continued to do so but, I knew I couldn't let myself get too caught up because it was never going to go anywhere.

Fast forward to present day and we are getting married. (He put a ring on it!)  It wasn't until a little over two years ago when we went through one of our most challenging times that I realized how much I loved him and needed him in my life.  I don't like the phrase, "he completes me" because I knew myself before he came along.  He does compliment me and bring out the best in me.  For that I am truly grateful because he is the first to do so in a long time.

Although Lucas is not the man I always dreamed of, he is the one that was meant for me.We have come through a lot together and have faced those challenges head on. There are days when I think, "I would never have imagined marrying you" but, I know he is the one for me. He challenges me, he allows me to be me, and most of all he loves me.

I really wanted to get this post out there and next time, I will talk about my ring.

A New Spin on Journaling

This is my first time to ever blog! There are so many reasons I wanted to start this blog but I would have to guess the main one is because I am starting a new chapter in my life. I am getting married next fall and it has put me into a realization that I am starting a family soon.  I will be completely sharing my life with someone else.  Although, I have always assumed I would get married, I never fully grasped the idea of the sharing my space and things with someone else. It is making me a different person.  I have always been giving but, I have always been so selfish when it comes to personal matters.  My posts will reflect what I am doing, feeling, and how I am growing.  

I assume this journey I am putting myself through is the perfect opportunity for me to share more pieces of myself with people.  I don't like to tell everyone all of my business but, this is a way that I can get some things out without having to send a mass text or e-mail. I have the freedom of anonymity until people in  my life find this page.  Those that want to read it can subscribe and follow all my posts and can always come back to it even when we grow apart.  It will be an honest blog and one that I will write with no shame.

I wanted to start this because I do want to journal my life up to the wedding date and show off the do-it-yourself aspects I am trying out. (I am really excited about them!)  I did not however, want it to be just a blog about my wedding details.  I mean, that could bore someone to death (I read them all the time right now) and I really don't think any of my friends would want to read about it as much as I probably talk about it.  I am very excited to be getting married and it does tend to consume my thoughts but, I am more than just a "bride to be." I want to start here and continue blogging for years to come.  I want to take my journey more publicly (but, not too publicly. I don't think I will ever not be a somewhat private person.)

Another reason, I wanted to start this was so I can show it to my children one day.  I want them to read my life  that is leading up to them.  I will be keeping a more intimate journal on my personal computer but, this is one that they can read as well to correlate the times of these posts with the journal.  I want them to know everything I can think of right now to tell them but, I may forget later in life.  I want them to know how I am now and how much I loved them before they were even born.

This is my journey in words. 

I am not a great writer but, I hope you can enjoy your time here regardless.