I have had a few people lately tell me much they love my relationship. They see the way we act around each other and how it seems effortless. I hear people say that we are just a fun couple. I am glad that that is what people see from my relationship. I like the fact that people aren't necessarily annoyed when we come around. (At least I hope not.)
This was a journey to get here. We have been put through the "ringer" by others and we have put ourselves through it as well. There were times where we couldn't stand being around ourselves. We have had our phase of fighting, jealousy, stupidity, and everything else you hear a relationship goes through. I think we just wanted to get it all over with before we got into the more serious aspect of our relationship.
In the beginning, I could not open up to Lucas the way he could to me. I had so many trust issues, I just couldn't do it. I could not reveal to him everything I was because I felt like he wouldn't like me anymore. I was never really "fake". I just tried to not show him everything. It still scares me to think we are going to be living together and I really can't hide anything from him then. I don't hide anything right now but, it just seems like I still have the chance to since we do not live together.
Being completely open and honest in a relationship is something you grow up hearing. You know it is true because it makes sense. However, until you live it, you don't realize how much it really does make a difference. It wasn't until my grandmother died in August of 2009 that I truly bared my soul to Lucas. I had cried in front of him before but, it was simply a few tears and that is all I would allow him to see. One day I finally balled my eyes out. I mean, there was sobbing and I had the ugly cry face on. (You know the ugly cry face you try to hide from the world.) First, I hid my face and I ran to the bathroom. I was so embarrassed I had broken down in front of him and I wanted to hide. He just stood at the door broken hearted because there was nothing he could do to help me. He offered me his shirt to wipe my tears. I made a joke that I would blow my nose in it and he said he didn't care. (I know it's pretty disgusting but, it was a sweet gesture to just try to do anything to help.) I laughed. I then cried on his shoulder and in those moments I knew that I didn't have to hide anything anymore because he loved me even during my ugly cry.
From that moment on I knew it was us against the world. He loved me for me and how could I not love someone like that. (This happened about a week after we had decided to become "official".) It was one of the worst weeks in my life and it as if God knew this was the person I had to have standing next to me to help me get through it.
But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous. - Carrie, Sex and the City
I do love the relationship you have with Lucas, but not because it seems effortless. I love it because in a way I have an inside scoop on all the work you guys have and still do put into it. Through talking to you I know how much effort you guys do put into keeping an open line of communication, how you guys always are upfront with each other about what you want and what you expect from one another.
ReplyDeleteI know it has taken you sometime to get to a point where you both love and respect are are honest with each other at the level that you are now.
Plus, I don't think I have ever cried, not a full ugly face cry, in front of anyone, ever. Maybe my sisters when we were kids, but not since I was old enough to know better.
I think it's wonderful that your relationship inspires others! I often wonder how I ended up in one of those kinds of relationships, but I try not to question it too much and just thank God for amazing man he picked out for me.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the engagement, but even more on finding someone you can truly be yourself with!